Month: March 2018

Ep 39 – Swipe Right For Aggressive

This episode is here to keep unacceptable online behavior in check! Have you experienced aggressive behavior when you are on dating apps or sites? It happens way to frequently and we want to bring awareness to it, give advice to those who have experienced it, and confront those who think it is normal to be aggressive online.

 

We didn’t want to perpetuate gender biases so we looked up information to understand who is experiencing aggressive behaviors with online dating. This study from Binghamton finds that men are more aggressive on online dating sites and have certain behaviors that are distinct to males. Men tend to be focused on their own interests and are usually oblivious toward their attractiveness to potential dates, while females are more conscious of their own attractiveness.

While the study was interesting, we also wanted to understand people’s experiences. We came to the conclusion that aggressive online dating habits are so commonplace that people have performed experiments to showcase the types of reactions they encounter. Below you will find links and images of the types of responses we found. We discuss these in the episode, but we wanted to provide you the links to raise awareness and bring to life the disturbing aspects of online dating.

  • Man who posed as a woman i.e. reddit user
  • An account from user “Too Afraid”: I received death threats 4rm a man I met on POF, after I spoke w him several times over the cell. I cancelled meeting him & he sent me at least 20 very threatening & disgusting text msg. One was a sex act, one a pic of his bowel movement. He said he will find me & kill me. He’s a phychopath & my gun stays w me now at all times. I thank God I didn’t meet this phyco, I have filed a police report & saved the text msgs. I blocked him after the texts wouldn’t stop. I’ve spoken w several men & when I felt they weren’t the one I moved on as did they. Women please please b careful – have the long talks letting them talk more – they will tell u all u need without knowing. Follow ur gut. I never spoke about sex w this freak but he accused me of playing sex games. One pic was a woman’s butt filled w sperm he said “eat my cum out her ass bitch” “die bitch” “I will find u & kill u” …Terrifying that I met someone straight out a serial killer movie or criminal minds. He even sat on a xerox machine & sent a pic of that. I hope he gets locked up. Mind u this man “seemed ” normal until I stopped talking to him.

 

Maddie and Lina D share their experiences with aggressive behaviors. Westley talks about how he believes the behavior is wrong and gives us his advice from a male point of view.  

There is a pattern with these aggressive interactions, here is a high level view:

  1. Men say Hi and after getting a response steer the conversation to be overly sexual without prompting
  2. Leads to women ignoring messages that are not well thought out
  3. Men blame the women

We discuss our questions to the overly aggressive guy:

  • Why do the conversations become sexual so fast?
  • Why are you in a rush?
  • Do you not care about being seen as a creep?
  • Do you want to stay alone?
  • You know I can just block you right?

To close the episode, we give advice to what should be done when this behavior is encountered and we go after those overly aggressive guys with our words. Stop! You know we can block you right?

Ep 38 – Momma Always Said

We continue to celebrate the women that inspire us, and this week we dedicate this episode to our mommas! Whether you consider your mom your best friend, or whether she drives you crazy, OR both, moms hold a special place in our hearts. They have shaped who we are and not matter what we always remember their advice. Get to know us a bit better by listening to what momma always said to us.

 

Moms always give their advice and opinions on how they see life. Whether its cultural norms around dating, relationships, or career-related, these points of view were beaten into our heads. Some advice we took and it shaped who we are today, other pieces of advice we chose not to and it was okay because we are still amazing people!

Each co-host talks about their cultural background and highlights most important things their families brought up when they were growing up. Some of the topics that were the most popular topics where: dating & sex, gender roles, and career.

When it came to dating, relationships, and sex our mothers always turned to religion to explain why this topic shouldn’t even be worth our attention. And the most common thing momma said, “you have to wait until you are married.”

We discuss gender roles, and how actions from family reinforced certain gender stereotypes. Maddie describes how Haitian culture is very patriarchal, and that women were taught to be domestic. Momma always said, “no man will ever marry you if you can’t [insert domestic activity here].”

When it came to careers we learned that the approach between our families varied. For Lina D, momma always said, “education is key.” Whereas Westley and Maddie would always hear that they could only pursue a career that “brought honor to the family.”

We get into other nitty gritties of our childhood and what it was like growing up Latinx and Haitian. To close the episode we talk about our favorite pieces of advice that we would keep and pass down to younger siblings, friends, future children, and other loved ones.

Ep 37 – Press For Progress

Our tribute to the badass women that have made things happen, that haven’t taken no for an answer, and that refuse to be tied down to the norm. March is Women’s History Month and tomorrow, March 8th, is International Women’s Day.

Do you know the history behind International Women’s Day started? International Women’s Day grew out of the labour movement to become a UN-recognised annual event, The first activism tied to the movement happened in 1908 when 15,000 women marched through New York City demanding shorter working hours, better pay and the right to vote. It took time for the day to be officially celebrated, but in 1911 Austria, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland became the first countries to celebrate. 2018 marks the 107th celebration.

Today is a day to celebrate how far women have come in society, politics and economics, and indirectly raise awareness of continued inequality. In our tribute to international women’s day- we talk about how women have been making strides in history to gradually change the game in normally male dominated spaces- particularly those related to sex and sexuality.

You know we always have to get into the history. We wanted to pinpoint the event that offset women’s sexual revolution. The revolution started with the launch of the 1st birth control pill, enovid went on market in 1960. The pill was a game changer because it was the first time women had a reliable way to exercise reproductive control over their own body without needing their sexual partner’s consent. Within five years, 6 million American women were on the pill.

Some other interesting facts that quantify the impact of the pill and it’s contribution to the sexual revolution:

  • 1950s, six in ten women were virgins at marriage and 87 percent of American women believed that it was wrong for a woman to engage in premarital sex, even with “a man she is going to marry.
  • Only two in ten of them would be virgins at marriage.

That’s history, but it’s also many years ago. The sexual revolution continues to take place today. Maddie, Westley, and Lina D talk about the things they have noticed in our personal lives that embody what the sexual revolution means to us.

The NFD crew then talks about the male face of porn and discuss their points of view on what mainstream porn looks like- in a nutshell the main focus on male pleasure. Fortunately, there have been many women that have picked up on the biased perspective and have done something to change the dynamic in the industry.

Women noticed the biased perspective as early as the 1980’s and one of the pioneers in the porn industry was Candida Royalle, born on October 15, 1950 as Candice Marion Vadala. Her films showcased a woman’s perspective in a male dominated industry.  She made it a point to change the storyline depicted in porn, writing and producing films that were rooted in realistic demonstration of sex that could be enjoyed by men and women alike. She was a feminist, a businesswoman, and an activist. She influenced change, increase racial diversity in porn, and made porn more inclusive for women- consumers and creators alike, through her business platform.

Women continue to change the porn industry today.  Many porn stars and other sex workers believe that violence and sexual assault is an “occupational hazard” that comes with the job. Women are challenging the norm and starting their own porn production companies that create environments that are safer. Paulita Pappel is one of these women. She runs a by-women-for-women porn site, Ersties, that specializes in female-friendly sex.  Ersties is all about 100% real girls experiencing 100% real intimate moments. In this article she talks about how she doesn’t want to have to watch an adult film and wonder, “Does that woman on screen really want to be doing that?”

Westley, Lina D, and Maddie close the episode by talking about where we still can make progress.