This episode is here to keep unacceptable online behavior in check! Have you experienced aggressive behavior when you are on dating apps or sites? It happens way to frequently and we want to bring awareness to it, give advice to those who have experienced it, and confront those who think it is normal to be aggressive online.
We didn’t want to perpetuate gender biases so we looked up information to understand who is experiencing aggressive behaviors with online dating. This study from Binghamton finds that men are more aggressive on online dating sites and have certain behaviors that are distinct to males. Men tend to be focused on their own interests and are usually oblivious toward their attractiveness to potential dates, while females are more conscious of their own attractiveness.
While the study was interesting, we also wanted to understand people’s experiences. We came to the conclusion that aggressive online dating habits are so commonplace that people have performed experiments to showcase the types of reactions they encounter. Below you will find links and images of the types of responses we found. We discuss these in the episode, but we wanted to provide you the links to raise awareness and bring to life the disturbing aspects of online dating.
- Threats and messages on dating sites women see
- Examples from the author:
- Man who posed as a woman i.e. reddit user
- An account from user “Too Afraid”: I received death threats 4rm a man I met on POF, after I spoke w him several times over the cell. I cancelled meeting him & he sent me at least 20 very threatening & disgusting text msg. One was a sex act, one a pic of his bowel movement. He said he will find me & kill me. He’s a phychopath & my gun stays w me now at all times. I thank God I didn’t meet this phyco, I have filed a police report & saved the text msgs. I blocked him after the texts wouldn’t stop. I’ve spoken w several men & when I felt they weren’t the one I moved on as did they. Women please please b careful – have the long talks letting them talk more – they will tell u all u need without knowing. Follow ur gut. I never spoke about sex w this freak but he accused me of playing sex games. One pic was a woman’s butt filled w sperm he said “eat my cum out her ass bitch” “die bitch” “I will find u & kill u” …Terrifying that I met someone straight out a serial killer movie or criminal minds. He even sat on a xerox machine & sent a pic of that. I hope he gets locked up. Mind u this man “seemed ” normal until I stopped talking to him.
Maddie and Lina D share their experiences with aggressive behaviors. Westley talks about how he believes the behavior is wrong and gives us his advice from a male point of view.
There is a pattern with these aggressive interactions, here is a high level view:
- Men say Hi and after getting a response steer the conversation to be overly sexual without prompting
- Leads to women ignoring messages that are not well thought out
- Men blame the women
We discuss our questions to the overly aggressive guy:
- Why do the conversations become sexual so fast?
- Why are you in a rush?
- Do you not care about being seen as a creep?
- Do you want to stay alone?
- You know I can just block you right?
To close the episode, we give advice to what should be done when this behavior is encountered and we go after those overly aggressive guys with our words. Stop! You know we can block you right?