Love Affairs

Our podcast has roots in sexual empowerment. We were formerly known as No Free Drinks. You can find all of our old episodes here where we dove into dating, relationships, and sex. 

Ep 24 – The First Date Conundrum

Westley opens the episode and goes in on his point of view on who he thinks should be paying for the first date.  Westley’s viewpoint is egalitarian, “in one voice you cannot say you are independent, and in the same breath say that you know your worth and need for a man to pay for you.” Westley does not mind paying, but he won’t buy the argument that he is expected to pay because men typically make more than a woman. That point of view only furthers the reason as to why he says that people should treat each other as equals.

For once Brock and Westley actually disagree on a point of view. Brock thinks that guy always pays on the first date, partly driven because it is expected based on the “who asks pays rule.” Seldom do women ask men on dates, so by default the guy has to pay. Once he is dating someone steady, he doesn’t mind paying for most things but if it is expected that I pay for everything every time then it is a huge turn-off. Brock is more traditional once he is in a relationship where the guy spoils his girlfriend.

Lina D talks about how she has played all sides of the paying spectrum, and her point of view has changed throughout her dating life. Lina D has taken advantage of guys that have the notion that they are expected to pay even though she had no intentions of taking it further. Lina D has accepted the guy paying, but has been playful about it and was upfront about her financial situation. Other times, she has had the conversation to get a sense of whether they are equals and has gladly offered to go dutch without communicating that she wasn’t interested. And another time she was so into the person and the date that she doesn’t even remember who paid for what on the first date, nor did she care. In recent years she’s grown to be more equitable and has left her “he needs to pay expectations” in the dust.

After going through their points of view and debating, the co-hosts go through specific scenarios that are widely discussed on who pays for the first date. This was inspired by the Refinery 29 article, What Millennial Women REALLY Think About Splitting The Check.

 

  1. Scenario 1: One party does all the asking, planning, and paying. Whoever initiated the date should pay
  2. Scenario 2: Splitting the bill is an old-fashioned, chivalrous gesture. Men should always offer to pay the bill. Splitting the bill is a total romance kill. Offering to split the bill is polite, but ultimately he should refuse and pay
  3. Scenario 3: The man always pays
  4. Scenario 4: We both have our own money so we go dutch aka 50/50

 

As they go through these scenarios they also cover the most common unspoken implications that result from the payment actions. When it comes to relationships, there are many ways people approach it, and honestly it comes down to what works for your relationship.

Westley, Lina D, and Brock wanted to make sure that they incorporated other people’s points of view as a wrap for the episode.  They selected a few points of view from this article and have provided a summary below for easy reference.  For the full article, go here.

 

Dating Coach: Modern men should do things old school.

“a man should always pay for dinner and drinks on the first date. This is an attractive gesture, and it will leave the girl’s sense of ‘doing the right thing’ intact.”

Kezia Noble, dating coach and expert,

Sex Blogger: Go 50/50 every time.

“If someone wants a second date they have to pay their share on the first – and let me pay my share too. When guys try to pay it’s often deeply awkward: I offer to pay half, he insists, I get frustrated because I earn my own damn money and I can spend it how I like – then he continues to insist and I feel patronised. Leave expensive treats for when you know each other better.”

The Girl on the Net, London-based blogger and writer on all things sex

Glamour Girl: A man’s gotta spend to impress a girl.

“The man should pay, of course. If I had to pay or go halves, that would put me off a man. I would be like, “What?!””

Danielle Mason, actress, model and TV personality

Porn Star: Insist on going all the way, fellas.

“I think that the girl should always offer to split the bill and the man should insist on paying all of it.”

Harriett Sugarcookie, adult performer, model, lifestyle blogger

The Academic: Don’t try to buy a woman.

“The question of payment on a first [heterosexual] date has its roots in notions of chivalry, which itself is rooted in male economic and social power. Chivalry involves rituals of men treating women with an elaborate regard and politeness, which serves to mask the fact that men dominate the public sphere and have social and economic power over women as a class. I would remind men that women are human beings to be respected, not commodities to be purchased.”

Dr Julia Long, Lecturer in Sociology at Anglia Ruskin University, expert in feminist theory and practice

Ep 23 – Beyond the ‘Kk’

Westley, Lina D, and Brock want to give you useful advice for those moments when dating brings you awkward conversation. This episode is for those people that think they suck at texting, find themselves overthinking text conversations, and have no idea about proper sexting and drunk texting etiquette.

We start out by going through some basic texting principles and critiquing texting interactions that went wrong.  We only focus on three examples but you can find other trainwreck conversations here.  

 

Example 1:

You: Kk have a good night
Him: Haha ‘good’

Evaluation: Dude what are you doing? She was trying to end the conversation on a good note and you went on and made it awkward. This reminded us of when you should start sending “good morning vs. good afternoon vs. goodnight” texts. Timing is important but be prepared to add some value to the conversation i.e. sending a cool article or funny meme, and don’t just text a salutation because some people won’t find it flattering.  

Example 2:

You: How’s your Saturday going? Still hungover?
Him: Nope! Just walking my dog around the park! He loves playing with the other puppies! So excited for brunch later!!!!! **emojis**

Evaluation: In this example, the woman is thinking of writing him off because he is coming off as “overly friendly” and may potentially be gay and extra. Oh please, at this point you are splitting hairs and making something out of nothing. He is simply answering your question. You better go on a date to make sure this is someone you should be really writing off.

Example 3:

He always sends last minute texts to make plan and/or has already cancelled on you a few times.  You aren’t sure if this is someone that is genuinely busy or a potentially huge asshole.

Evaluation: This could actually go both ways and you will need to play the role of detective and pay attention to cues to make the right decision. There are guys out there that are genuinely busy given their jobs and commitments and may not know till the last minute that they are available. If you are interested and are actually available then you should go on the date to rule out whether this is someone you see yourself dating consistently. But Brock does warn that there are some general red flags to look out for, as some guys may just be trying to get in your pants and get some cheeks. Listen to get the full guide on how to deal with this situation.

 

The NFD co-hosts go through some other do’s and don’ts for texting.

  1. Don’t: Start your message with “hey beautiful,” “hey sexy,” or even worse, “hey girl.”
  2. Don’t: Use a stupid pickup line
  3. Don’t: Read too much into it
  4. Don’t: Not say anything
  5. Do: Compliment something specific about my appearance
  6. Do: Try to come up with something witty based off my profile, or point out shit we have in common
  7. Do: Ask me what I’m up to tonight/this weekend

They also touch on response timing rules, tips for keeping the conversation going, and touch on length of the texts.

Lina D does advocate for certain situations where drunk texting can be useful but she gives you a rundown of the do’s and don’ts in this situation. Brock talks about how it should depend on the state of your relationship, whether you are transitioning from flirting/dating to exclusive, considering emotional outpouring, and if you regrets things the next morning.

Sexting- oh man. For this one Brock says to make sure you keep your face out of the nudes you are sending. Lina D does not understand why some dudes are so hesitant about sending dick pics during sexting convos, especially if the woman is asking for one. Brock reveals that he never sends a dick pic, which sends Lina D on a mission to tell women to stop sending nudes if the guy is refusing to send you nudes. Brock disagrees.

Ep 22 – The Porn Identity

The episode kicks off with Westley’s story of how he discovered porn. Lina D shares some of the similarities between her experience and Westley’s before Brock dives into the stats of how much people watch porn.

According to the Esquire article, in 2016, people watched a grand total of 92 billion videos on Pornhub, clocking in 23 billion total visits to the site and 5 billion hours of porn, enough to last over 5,000 centuries. The U.S. was the biggest consumer of porn in the world, with 221 pageviews per person, beating 2015’s 191 views per American. More men watch porn than women, with the stats showing that 90% of men and 40% of women watch porn regularly.

There are many articles that speculate that porn has detrimental effects, but other studies mention that the effects of porn are still undecided. Learn more reading this article. Scientists have started to tease out the effects of porn on the brain but there’s still a lot they don’t understand. For example, they are unsure if there are long-term effects of porn on young viewers. Joseph J. Plaud, a private, clinical forensic psychologist in Boston, Massachusetts, is one of the scientist who has studied the effects of pornography. Some of the interesting points he has found is, “the more you do and the greater degree of access, the more explicit [it is], you seem to need more and more.”

Other studies have found that men who viewed porn tended to hold more egalitarian views about women than did non-porn-using men. Frequent porn users view powerful women, working women and women who have had abortions more favorably than do other men, a study published in August in the Journal of Sex Research found. This is an interesting finding, even though Lina D and Brock found that the methods used to get this conclusion might be questionable.

Lina D then talks about the more popular types of porn watched. Porn hub does a year in review that dives into the global trends of what people have watched.  There is an abridged version here, which is what discussed in the episode. But if you want to see more of the trends, you can access the full report here.

 

For couples who might be interested in watching porn together, Westley and Lina D talk about their experiences watching porn together. They recommend being open in communication about the types of porn you each would be open to watching, and approach it openly. Think of it as a fun experience you can both share. These are some other tips that Westley and Lina D share:

  • Focus on making it sexy for each other, think about how it will bring you closer together or turn you on. Talk to each other about what is turning you on as you watch porn together can also help you stay connected and in tune with each other.
  • Don’t Compare Yourselves to Porn Stars- also as a woman don’t get jealous of the porn star
  • Porn is great to spice things up but keep in mind that it won’t help resolve all your relationship issues on its own.
  • When watching porn with your partner, remember that they can still watch porn on their own. Do not violate your partner’s privacy by checking their porn watching history without them knowing.
  • Don’t watch porn every time you have sex.

Westley, Brock, and Lina D wrap up the episode by calling out some lesser known facts about porn. You can find the full lists here: 25 Shocking Facts and 25 Facts About the Adult Film

  • 20% of American men admit they access pornography at work which coincides with Sex Tracker’s findings of 70% of all internet porn traffic occurring during the work day (9am – 5pm)
  • 10% of adults admit to legitimately have an online porn addiction
  • Porn controls digital media. A great example was VHS. Before everyone was on board with VHS, Betamax was fighting tooth and nail for control. Porn chose to use VHS tapes as its’ main source of distribution and the rest is history. Same can be said for Blu-Ray and HD-DVD. Porn chose the former and now you can buy HD-DVD’s for a dollar.

Ep 21 – Ménage à Moi (Part 2)

Our first episode (Ménage à Moi (Part 1)) about masturbation focused on the state of masturbation in the U.S. and we interviewed a sex therapist about the cultural viewpoints on masturbation.  In this episode we talk about the history of masturbation and give our personal stories with masturbation.

 

There is a lot of interesting history on masturbation.  One of the most interesting stories we found has to do with Atum and ancient Egypt. You can learn more about the story here.  

“There was Atum, the creator God and main deity of the Egyptian pantheon, who existed by himself. He was surrounded by nothingness, so he decided to put an end to his long solitude and created the world and the rest of the Egyptian gods through masturbation. From his ejaculation emerged the first pair of twin gods, Shu (air god) and Tefnut (moisture goddess). Atum’s semen was the origin of the world, and masturbation the act of creation.” This is the myth of creation according to Egyptian cosmogony.
“Ancient Egyptians were strongly convinced that their main source of livelihood had come from Atum’s ejaculation, and it was their duty to keep it alive. Pharaohs would perform a ceremony to thank their main god, which involved masturbating at the riverbank and making sure that the semen followed the flow of the river’s waters. This was seen as a good omen and a sign of the continuing life cycle, fertility, and the universal order, which would also follow their own course.”

 

This wouldn’t be the last time we would see masturbation come up in history. Unfortunately, the next run in with masturbation would not be as sex-positive.  Lina D talks about her findings of how masturbation was perceived by society in the Victorian age.  You can read more here.  

Based on Judeo-Christian tradition, masturbation was seen as sinful, mostly due to the mandate to “be fruitful and multiply.” Since masturbation does not lead to procreation, it was frowned upon. In fact, Catholic theologian St. Thomas Aquinas believed that masturbation was a worse sin than rape, incest, and adultery, because in these other sins procreation is a possibility.

“During the Victorian age, masturbation was thought to lead to impaired morals, depression, social failure, epilepsy, tuberculosis, blindness, insanity, sterility, and early death.”

“Since masturbation was thought to be so dangerous, many “cures” were developed to eliminate its practice. Men of the time were encouraged to wear straightjacket pajamas or erection alerts to discourage handling of the penis. Some would wear a little suit of armor that would fit over the penis and testicles. Others wore a spermatorrhea ring. Available from the Sears catalogue, these rings fit along the base of the penis with spikes on its inner lining to prevent erection. As a last resort, some chronic masturbators had their foreskin stapled shut, or were castrated. In the nineteenth century, John Kellogg invented cornflakes as one part of a diet that he felt would lessen the sex drive and diminish the practice of masturbation.”

 

Westley then talks about how things have not necessarily gotten better. He tells us the Pee Wee Herman story. In 1991 he was arrested for allegedly masturbating in an X-rated movie theater. He became the object of numerous jokes, his show was pulled off the air, and his handprints and star were taken off the sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard. In another modern day masturbation nightmare, Former U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders stated that since masturbation was safe and healthy, it should be mentioned in school health curricula. People misinterpreted her statements to say that she thought students should be taught how to masturbate. Due to public outcry, President Clinton fired her in 1994.

 

Westley, Brock, and Lina D transition to share their personal experiences with masturbation.  They talk about how they came to start masturbating.  Experiences are diverse from individual and social interactions with learning more about masturbation. However, all three co-hosts talk about their experience of not being able to turn to anyone in their household to learn more or to get their questions answered. Traditionally, in Caribbean and Latino households, masturbation is not something that is openly discussed.

 

In talking about her experience exploring masturbation, Lina D finds and discusses an interesting report from the University of Michigan’s Development and Behavior Resources program. It states that kids start discovering their genitals and self-pleasure at a very young age, on the average of 6 years young.

 

The co-hosts point out some other interesting things about masturbating for men and women.  You can read more in these articles: other reasons why women should masturbate and other reasons why men should masturbate.

 

This is the summary of the reasons the co-hosts discussed:

  1. Masturbation makes you happier
  2. Masturbation improves your sex life
  3. Masturbation prevents postmenopausal sex difficulties
  4. Some studies even suggest that the frequency of masturbation increases with a person’s frequency of intercourse, especially in women.
  5. For men, masturbation may improve a man’s fertility, as ejaculation flushes out the old, less motile sperm left behind in the urethra.
  6. Masturbation may even lower a man’s chance of getting prostate cancer.

 

Lina D, Brock, and Westley wrap up the episode by sharing their favorite to do’s when masturbating.

Ep 20 – Ménage à Moi featuring Dr. Chris Donaghue of Loveline (Part 1)

Lina D kicks off the episode by telling our listeners about the great time the team had at the NY Sex Expo September 23- 24. They all shared their highlights of the weekend and Lina D talks about the most exciting outcome- that we were able to make new friends and interview Dr. Chris Donaghue.  He is a nationally recognized sex therapist who is has teamed up with TENGA to change the conversation about masturbation. Learn more about Sex Expo here.  

Lina D talks a bit more about why No Free Drinks is excited to interview Dr. Chris and to have met the TENGA team.  She shares her point of view on why she thinks masturbation is important and Westley and Brock also give their points of view.

More about TENGA: they are a Japanese-based company focused on the betterment of sexual health and wellness, broadening the cultural acceptance of masturbation and making sexuality something everyone can enjoy. TENGA products are designed to make masturbation a more enjoyable and beneficial experience and don’t necessarily mimic the human anatomy. They believe this differentiates them and allows them to bring conversations about masturbation to the mainstream. TENGA aims to elevate the discussion around masturbation from secretive to celebratory, and enables users to bring the best tools to the party.

Brock walks us through TENGA’s United State(s) of Masturbation Survey Learn more about the survey here: http://www.unitedstatesofmasturbation.com/

Our relationship with TENGA allowed us to give you a special look into the survey results and really understand the breakout of results from an ethnicity perspective.  Here are a few of the highlights we mention in the episode:

  1. 76% of Latinos agree that masturbation is good for health (vs 65% Whites, 59% Blacks)
  2. Among those who have masturbated, Blacks (22%) are more likely to masturbate in the morning (vs. 16% Latinos, 15% Whites).
  3. Among those in a committed relationship, Latinos are the most open to talking about masturbation with their significant others (68% of Latinos vs. 56% Whites, 54% Blacks).
  4. 73% of Latinos have received sex education in school (vs. 62% Whites, 60% Blacks).
  5. Latinos in the US are a far younger audience (61% of Latinos in our sample were millennials vs. only 24% of whites and 39% of blacks who were millennials), so these points are likely to be influenced by generational differences.

 

Westley introduces Dr. Chris Donaghue. He is a Doctor of Clinical Sexology and Human Sexuality, Certified Sex Therapist, Licensed Clinical Therapist and Doctoral trained in Clinical Psychology, and continues to run his private practice out of Los Angeles. He is one out of only four hundred individuals who completed the extra training to receive his CST Credentials.

Dr. Chris specializes in individual and couples sex and marital therapy, as well as sexual compulsivity, sexual anorexia, sexual dysfunctions and non-traditional sexuality, identities and relationships. His expertise has been shared with hundreds during his lectures at University of Southern California (USC), University of California Los Angeles (UCLA), Antioch University and University of California Riverside (UCR).

He continues to lecture at leading conferences, including Catalyst Con, ASSECT Conference and for the Hazeldan Betty Ford Foundation. Dr. Chris is nationally recognized as a sex and relationship expert, and shares his expertise as the cohost of CBS’ LoveLine Podcast. Additionally, he is the featured expert on VH1’s new “The Amber Rose Show,” and regularly appears on segments including CBS’ The Doctors, WE’s Sex Box, Logo TV’s Bad Sex. He has been featured in Newsweek, National Geographic, on CNN, OWN, and Dr. Drew’s “Lifechangers,” and many more.

Dr. Chris aims to elevate the conversation around masturbation and help foster cultural acceptance. With the aid from TENGA’s 2017 United State(s) of Masturbation, a recent survey focused on masturbation behaviors and perceptions, he aims to elevate the conversation around masturbation, help foster cultural acceptance and educate on the sexual health and wellness benefits of healthy masturbation.

 

Questions for Dr. Chris:

  1. From the United States of Masturbation survey we learned that a majority of people believe that openly talking about masturbation would be beneficial to society, however of those people only 28% have even had a conversation about masturbating with a friend.  In your experience, what are some of the psychological and cultural factors that contribute to the embarrassment factor tied to talking about masturbation?
  2. What advice do you have for couples that are unbalanced when it comes to masturbation? For example, I’ve heard stories where women have caught their boyfriends masturbating and they immediately accuse them for cheating on them.
  3. The survey highlighted a lot of health related benefits to masturbating which is a starting point for breaking down the stigmas that our society has built around masturbation.  I wanted to take that a step further and discuss the benefits that masturbation can have on sexual performance and enjoyment. Can you expand upon those benefits for men and women? (I.e.  Men masturbating before sex) And can you touch on where these benefits are more psychological or scientific in nature?
  4. We all lead busy lives. What are some of your tips for people that are constantly on the go and say they don’t have the time to masturbate?
  5. Let’s talk about the gender gap and masturbation. I found it interesting that the survey found that 41% of women own a sex toy while only 24% of men own a sex toy.  But when I looked at the percentage of women that masturbate vs. men I saw that there is a gap- one data point showed that 93% of men masturbate vs. 77% of women. What are your thoughts on what drives the gap in the genders in sex toy ownership and in masturbation?
  6. Wrap up question: I’d like to close out with you telling us more about what you love about TENGA and why our listeners should be excited about what they offer?

Ep 19 – The Python of Love (Part 2)

In the second part of the Python of Love series, Westley kicks off by telling us about a few crazy things men have done with their penis and balls.  Links below.

Link 1

Link 2

Did you know that men have used their dicks to pull cars with passengers inside with their penises or balls? Did you know that even if a penis is chopped off it still works? Despite all these stories, penises are still fragile and can break so be careful not to injure it.

 

Brock and Westley discuss their doctor preferences.

 

Lina D asks Westley and Brock questions about the things women want to know about the penis:

 

  1. Do you ever sit on your balls or your dick?
  2. Are your balls different size? Do you have a favorite ball?
  3. How do you feel about your skeet skeet?
  4. What is the big deal between getting a deepthroat blow job and an average blow job?
  5. What do you do when you get a random erection?  What causes these erections to happen?
  6. What do blue balls feel like?
  7. What are things women should never do to the penis?

 

Westley, Brock, and Lina D give tips for giving head

  1. Not all tip, remember the rotation- shaft, shaft, shaft, tip
  2. Deep throating is always allowed
  3. BALLS. GET THE BALLS!

 

Other Tips for jerking/sucking/ hitting it off right

  1. Listen to him as he’ll give you verbal clues
  2. If you don’t see his eyes that’s good sign
  3. Stuttering of speech is also good
  4. Toes curling means he’s about to cum
  5. Pleasure comes from the different sensations on the penis- use your hands

 

Favorite positions for the dick

  1. Doggy style
  2. Lying down side to side
  3. Her on top for sure, ride me! Tips for riding him:
    1. Take your time
    2. Slower rhythm is actually better
    3. Fast isn’t the move for when the woman is on top- this is your chance to take control and keep the guy guessing
    4. Rhythm and timing is important, you can build up to a faster speed but take your time and don’t go straight into the fast stuff.

 

Freaky Shit & Pro tips

  1. Tell me where to come, not when to come
  2. @your_fuckboy tip shoutout
  3. Anal
  4. Change the angle that you are mounting him (arch your back, the squat position
  5. Ice
  6. Play with the balls

Ep 18 – The Python of Love (Part 1)

Brock opens the episode by taking us through the etymology of the term penis. Penis is derived from the Latin word for tail. There is also the Greek translation of phallus which means “swell.” The word later came to describe items of penile nature in Latin. You can find more here: http://io9.gizmodo.com/5966703/how-genitals-got-their-names-or-why-a-penis-is-called-a-prick

Since Lina D put Westley’s and Brock’s knowledge of the vulva to the test, they decide to flip the script and quiz her about the parts of the penis. Lina D breaks it down! They just weren’t ready.

The penis is technically broken into 3 major areas:

  1. The root or the base
  2. The body or the middle of the penis
  3. The glans or the head

The more detailed parts of the penis are:

  1. The head or Glans
  2. Corpus cavernosum: Two columns of tissue running along the sides of the penis. Blood fills this tissue to cause an erection.
  3. Corpus spongiosum: A column of sponge-like tissue running along the front of the penis and ending at the glans penis; it fills with blood during an erection, keeping the urethra — which runs through it — open.
  4. The urethra runs through the corpus spongiosum, conducting urine out of the body.

For more information on the parts of the penis visit: https://www.webmd.com/men/picture-of-the-penis#1

Other pleasure centers

  1. Testicles
  2. The male g-spot or the prostate

Circumcised vs. uncircumcised

  1. In uncircumcised men, the glans is covered with pink, moist tissue called mucosa. Covering the glans is the foreskin (prepuce).
  2. In circumcised men, the foreskin is surgically removed and the mucosa on the glans transforms into dry skin.

Lina D talks about her preference between circumcised vs. uncircumcised penises

Westley and Brock are curious about what women really think about the penis. Lina D is prepared to answer the question based on her experience and also has some stats to give a taste of what other women think.

Size doesn’t matter as much as women say they do. Follow the link for more details and stats https://www.dred.com/uk/does-size-matter/

  • 21.4% Not important
  • 67.4% Somewhat important
  • 11.2% Very important

What does matter:

  1. Girth
  2. Manscaping: Cleanliness (or at least looking well- groomed) is next to godliness too, as the study also found appearing well-trimmed ranked higher than penis size for women

Lina D also talks about her experiences with growers and showers and the struggles of discovering that the guy she was going to hook-up with had a small penis.

All men’s penises are different too.  Here is a fun read on how penises are different: (http://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a9576710/things-you-need-to-know-about-penises/)

To wrap up this episode, the NFD talk about the skeet skeet AKA semen, and if it is bad to swallow.

Semen is made up of only one percent sperm; the rest is composed of over 200 separate proteins, as well as vitamins and minerals including vitamin C, calcium, chlorine, citric acid, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc.

Westley asks Lina D what her experience has been with tasting semen and then shares what other women have said about the taste of ejaculate. Read this fun article to see all the words that have been used to describe how semen tastes: https://thoughtcatalog.com/steve-mueller/2015/11/what-does-semen-taste-like/   

At the point of ejaculation, semen travels at 28 miles per hour.

Ep 17 – No Glove, No Love: A World Sex Health Celebration

September is Sex Health Month and September 4th was World Sex Health Day. To celebrate, the No Free Drinks crew dedicated an episode to talk about sex topics that unfortunately are not always talked about in black and brown communities. In this episode, we will talk about the importance of practicing safe sex and getting tested. We also touch on topics that get in the way of having pleasurable sexual experiences such as erectile dysfunction and vaginal dryness.

 

No Free Drinks was inspired to kick-off the sex education and wellness series after finding that sexual health is celebrated across the world. This year’s theme is “Love, Bonding, and Intimacy” and you can find more information here: http://www.worldsexology.org/news/world-sexual-health-day/

 

The organization that spearheads the movement is called the World Association for Sexual Health and they encourage that people join the celebration in any way they can. If you are interested in learning more and want to participate in the celebrations you can check out this worksheet:http://www.worldsexology.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/WSHD2017-annual-guidelines.pdf

 

Another important organization to know is the American Sexual Health Association- ASHA was founded in 1914 in New York City, formed out of early 20th-century social reform movements focused on fighting sexually transmitted infections and prostitution. Now, more than 100 years after its creation, ASHA remains America’s nonprofit authority for sexual health information. You can learn more here: http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/celebrating-sexual-health-september/

 

After introducing these organizations that play such a large role in celebrating World Sex Health Day, Lina D explains why the No Free Drinks crew decided to do a 2 part series for the vulva and they reveal that they will also be doing a 2 part series on the penis! Stayed tuned for more educational moments and orgasm tips.

 

Brock then goes on to define sexual health. Sexual health must go beyond traditional views of simply avoiding disease or unplanned pregnancy and should include experiencing pleasure and intimacy. Because of this, we wanted to address some less commonly talked about topics that can get in the middle of sex and achieving intimacy. We reemphasize the importance of communication is having a healthy relationship and having better sex.

 

Erectile dysfunction and vaginal dryness are challenges that may lead to unpleasurable sexual encounters. These are important to talk about as they might not always be related to physical reasons only. Brock and Westley give advice on what to do in these situations. Reasons for erectile dysfunction might be attributed to whiskey dick, stress, over thinking, and lack of emotional connection. As a partner, it is important for you to know how to react in these situations.  Just because he has gone limp doesn’t mean that it is game over.

 

The female equivalent of erectile dysfunction is vaginal dryness.  Lina D talks about how using lube shouldn’t be frowned upon even if there is a preference for her getting wet from arousal.

 

Following that conversation, the co-hosts switch gears to talk about the importance of communicating with your partner about getting tested.  The co-hosts talk about a couple of guidelines they use to ensure they keep on top of staying safe:

  • Depends on how active and how many partners
  • At least annual
  • Whenever there unprotected sex happens with an “unknown” partner and/or nonmonogamous partner

It is important to know your status for moral, legal, criminal and/or civil implications. The co-hosts also cover the importance of practicing safe sex for protection from STIs and unwanted pregnancies.  The co-hosts agree that there are many types of protection and birth control and want to dedicate a future episode to the topic to make sure they cover all the right issues.

 

If you want to celebrate World Sex Health Month with us feel free to tag us in your comments and posts.  September isn’t over yet, and sexual health is an everyday priority that will contribute to a better sex life.

Ep 16 – The Juicebox Monologues (Part 2)

Welcome back to part 2 of The Juicebox Monologues! Recall that last week we brought you part 1 where we covered the anatomy of the vagina, walked through crucial facts every dude needs to know to pleasure a woman, and provided tips for giving her the most mind-blowing orgasms in her life. If you haven’t been able to listen to part 1, make sure to go back and listen. There is so much to cover when it comes to how amazing the vulva is and every man and woman needs to know how to please this amazing organ.  

 

In this episode, we continue to talk about the different orgasms women love and give tips to achieve those mind-blowing orgasms.

 

In the last episode, we talked about clitoral and penetration orgasms.  In this episode, the crew talks about the other types of orgasms.  The G-spot stands for the Gräfenberg spot (named for German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg), is characterized as an erogenous area of the vagina that, when stimulated, may lead to strong sexual arousal, powerful orgasms, and potential female ejaculation.  According to a wiki (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G-spot), it is typically reported to be located 5–8 cm (2–3 in) up the front (anterior) vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra. Brock, Westley, and Lina D give their points for finding it and have a brief back and forth on the texture of the g-spot.

 

They continue to give tips on how to give a woman an orgasm through a mix of oral, penetration, or g spot play- this is a mixed orgasm.  They talk about how to make her achieve multiple orgasms. And talk about orgasm by nipple stimulation and anal play.  The guys talk about the cues they use to know that their partner is pleased and has orgasmed. And Lina D talks about her point of view that an orgasm doesn’t have to be a mysterious thing for men or women. She encourages women to masturbate and discover the things that they enjoy. The key to masturbating and self-discovery is to be relaxed and comfortable with your body.

 

The NFD crew compare how women may not always orgasm during sex, while men are likely to always orgasm. Brock and Westley share their experiences and point out that foreplay is a necessity when having sex especially since the majority of women cum from clitoral stimulation.  The stat on how many women cum from vagina penetration only is low, about 18%. Lina D agrees and points out that even though she doesn’t always orgasm that she still enjoys having sex especially when a man has dedicated himself to giving amazing foreplay.  Amazing foreplay should be every lover’s goal.

 

In this episode, the NFD crew goes into a deep dive into squirting and talks about the anatomy of what makes squirting possible.  They also dispel myths about squirting- it is not pee. And women can experiment with themselves to see if they can squirt. Lina D encourages women not to be disappointed if they don’t squirt right away as some women do not get stimulated by playing with their g-spot.

 

Lastly, Lina D highlights some amazing finds that are proof that pussy is power.  To read more about the topics covered in this episode, you can visit: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a50638/ways-vaginas-are-better-than-penises/

Also to access Part 1, click this link: The Juicebox Monologues (Part 1)

Here is why the vagina is powerful:

  1. It can lift weights:
    1. Tatyana Kozhevnikova unofficially owns the World’s Strongest Vagina by virtue of her record for vagina weightlifting, according to the Sun. She recently showed off her prowess on “The Body Shocking Show” in England.  She has lifted up to 31 lbs and she said she has gotten here after 20+ years of training
    2. She developed a patented program “Intimate Gymnastics.” Intimate Gymnastics is about strengthening the muscles of your vagina and pelvic floor
    3. Watch the video: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/08/worlds-strongest-vagina_n_2837269.html
    4. Get step by step instructions on how to start exercising your kegel muscles: http://www.intimfitness.com/praktika/programma1.htm
    5. It takes as little as 5 minutes a day
  2. Clitorises have twice as many nerve endings as penises do. Clits have 8,000 nerve endings total (compared to a measly 4,000 in peens).
  3. Vaginas can trap penises, it is called penis captivus “the pelvic muscles of the vagina clamp down on the penis much more firmly than usual, which can make it difficult or impossible to remove the penis from the vagina.” see article: http://www.redbookmag.com/body/pregnancy-fertility/a38982/surprising-vagina-facts/

Ep 15 – The Juicebox Monologues (Part 1)

In honor of Sexual Health Month, and because not enough guys (and even women) really understand all the parts of the beautiful lotus flower the No Free Drinks crew wanted to bring you a  deep dive into the anatomy of the vulva.  Some of you might be wondering why we choose to say vulva and not vagina.  Well that is exactly what we start talking about in this episode.  We actually ended up bringing you two episodes about the vulva! There is just so much to cover when it comes to how amazing the vulva is and every man and woman needs to know how to pleasure this amazing organ.  Here is the first part of the 2 part series- The Juicebox Monologues.

 

In the first part of the Juicebox Monologues, Lina D opens up by talking about the etymology of the word “vagina.” The word comes from the Latin root meaning “sheath” and it is also the source of word vanilla.  When Hernando Cortes went about on the conquest of the Aztec empire, his men discovered the vanilla plant and dubbed it vainilla, meaning “little pod” or “little sheath,” from the Latin vagina, “sheath.”

 

After these fun facts, Lina D was ready to go in with Brock and Westley to put their knowledge to the test.  The first question- “How many parts make up the vulva?” The vulva  refers to a female’s external genitalia and consists of ten different parts:

 

  1. Mons Veneris
  2. Vestibule
  3. Pubic Hair
  4. Labia Majora
  5. Labia Minora
  6. Vaginal Opening- this is the part that is most often referred to as the main part of the women’s sex organ. But oh child, you need to make sure you know more than just the vagina.  Yes the vagina might be heaven on earth for men, but this episode isn’t about the penis.
  7. Hymen
  8. Clitoral Glans
  9. Clitoral Hood
  10. Urethral Opening

 

For the details on each part of the vulva reference: http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/overview-female-reproductive-system

 

As Lina D walks through each part of the vulva, Westley and Brock share their knowledge on each part and how they have given it pleasure.

 

  1. Mons Veneris- the fatty layer of skin that covers the pubic bone.
  2. Vestibule- the area between the urethral opening and the vaginal opening.
  3. Pubic Hair- hair that grows on the mons and protects the vagina from bacteria and unnecessary pathogens.
  4. Labia Majora- the two outer folds of fatty skin that lay on the outside of the vulva, they are there to protect the more sensitive parts of the inner vulva.
  5. Labia Minora- is the skin between the labia majora, they are there to protect the vaginal opening. They are erotically sensitive because they contain more nerve endings than most skin tissue. The labia minora have blood vessels throughout the tissue that allows blood flow to increase during arousal. The tissue darkens and increases in size during arousal due to vasocongestion and can be stimulated for sexual pleasure.  This area of the vulva is great for seeing if the woman is aroused!
  6. Vaginal Opening- the entrance of the vagina into the vaginal canal
  7. Hymen- tissue that covers, or partially covers, the vaginal opening.
  8. Clitoral Glans- or the part of the clitoris that is visible, it is the most sensitive part of the clitoris and can be sexually pleasurable when stimulated. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings while the penis has 4,000 nerve endings.
  9. Clitoral Hood- covers a portion of the clitoris, it protects the glans and retracts during arousal.
  10. Urethral Opening- the urethra is located between the clitoris and the vaginal opening. There are Skene glands located around the urethra that are responsible for squirting.

After going through the parts of the vulva, the co-hosts start talking about how to make a woman orgasm.  They start by talking about clitoral and penetration orgasms.  There are 8 types of orgasms in total, but Lina D, Westley, and Brock decide to take a break here and leave the rest of the material for part 2 of the Juicebox Monologues.