Oh baby it’s December and it’s finally getting cold outside. Friends have started to come up with reasons to stay in, and you would rather not netflix and chill all by your lonesome. Instead, you have revamped your Tinder profile and are looking to get booed up until April. Join the NFD crew as they discuss the cuffin’ season phenomenon and dig a layer deeper to investigate some of the reasons why you could have a fear commit to a relationship.
If you don’t know what cuffing season is then listen to this episode! Cuffing season is when people start looking for someone they can spend long, frigid months with but aren’t exactly looking for a relationship. Our favorite definition is from Urban Dictionary:
“During the Fall and Winter months people who would rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.
You can find more information in this link:
Brock talks about some of the differences that may exist geographically and also provides clues of how you can tell that cuffing season is coming. Technically, the sole purpose of the season is to be with someone during the cold weather, so of course different parts of the country will be affected differently.
To access the visuals we discuss in the episode follow this link: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/06/cuffing-season-guide_n_5941574.html
Westley, Brock, and Lina D share their experiences with cuffing season. Westley’s has witnessed the timing work out while dating on Tinder- lots of interest starting in October and a lack of interest by April. Lina D talks about her winter time break ups. And Brock reveals how he never really knew the correct definition of cuffing season. While he tends to seriously date when it’s cold, he has never gone into an arrangement where there is an expiration date
In the NYC area, this year has been a harder cuffing season. Summer like days have randomly popped up and it has been a lot warmer than we expect in November and December. The warmer days make it harder for people to fall into the cuffing season mood. Could it be that this irregular weather could have people wondering if they can potentially be ready for a serious relationship instead of going through with the cuffing season phenomena?
For those that are on the fence, we wanted to give you some advice to help you decide whether or not you are ready to commit. The first thing you want to do is Identify if YOU have commitment issues. Often times we are ready to judge others without understanding how we feel.
Here are the possible signs that you are afraid of commitment:
- Making excuses: you are unreliable and often late. You end up agreeing to arrangements but start to look for excuses almost immediately to avoid going. You will end good relationships for the smallest of reasons, and when faced with commitment you withdraw emotionally and start finding faults.
- Move way too quickly too fast: you have short, intense and passionate relationships that burn out as quickly as they started. You commit too quickly which usually leads to crash and burn.
- You chase romantic partners who are unattainable
- You think that you can change the other person even though they don’t completely meet the criteria of what you want in a relationship.
Here is our advice for overcoming your commitment issues
- Determine what it is that you are really afraid of and is holding you back from commiting:
- Are you scared of getting hurt again? Let go of any past hurt, understand that your fear is irrational and can only control you for as long as you let it
- Is it fear of rejection?
- Perhaps fear of losing your freedom?
- Once you find it, don’t be afraid to take a risk
- Date only when you’re happy with yourself and feel 100% ready, or you’ll only attract the wrong relationships
- Focus on selfcare
- Draw from your positive energy and stop being reliant on others
- Vet the person with the right intentions
- Don’t just give your number out or accept dates unless you are genuinely interested
- Take your time dating someone and make sure you have shared values and aligned ambitions
- Don’t overthink things, but pay attention to your instincts
- Be open with your partner about how you feel
Make sure that you have gone through the process above before you rush into a relationship. If you are going through something difficult in your life, you might be more likely to rush into something that isn’t healthy for you. Beware of triggers from good and bad events. For example: the death of a loved one, seeing your family and friends go through new beginnings that are on a different timeline from where you stand in your life such as marriage and birth/adoption of kids. You especially want to watch out and steer clear from rushing into a relationship after a bad breakup or heartbreak.