It’s been a minute, but we finally bring you another listener inspired episode. We wanted to continue the conversation that started in our preview post for Ep. 42- It’s a Numbers Game on instagram. What is the difference between preferences and body shaming? Join the conversation!
In this listener inspired episode we talk about the differences between body shaming and preferences. Here is the backstory: in Episode 42: It’s a Numbers Game we talked about various dating and sex topics that have something to do with numbers. Our preview inspired a conversation on instagram, you can check it out here. We have posted a portion of the comments below too.
@Theearthmomma: I think shaming men for their dick size is the equivalent of body shaming women. There’s such a double standard when it comes to this. Men need to step it up and learn how to please women in different ways other than intercourse, AND women need to step it up and demand better lovers and stop letting toxic masculinity inside of their yonis. Accepting drunken insecure men inside of us is allowing men to be weak lovers. No more faking it when it really doesn’t feel good. No more douche bags. Women have the power to force men to step up their character. Another topic you guys have brought up that seems funny on the surface but really has way more depth to climb in to
@_nofreedrinks: @theearthmomma thanks so much for your comment! You are right that this topic has a lot more layers than we speak to in this episode. I’ve hadn’t thought about shaming dick size as the equivalent of body shaming for women. I appreciate you adding that perspective because it’s true- focusing on size is another way to objectify. I agree on your point completely about women stepping up and demanding more and not settling. -Lina D
@Alastaircunning: @theearthmomma Body shaming is obviously bad. But expressing a physical preference in a sexual partner is not inherently shaming to those who aren’t endowed with that preference. And it need not be objectifying to the fortunately endowed person either. Treat everyone like a full subjectively experiencing human being, not just a means to an end but an end in themselves, and express any preference with due sensitivity to those who don’t measure up and I think we in the ethical clear. After all, encouraging women to suppress a legitimate sexual preference is hardly a healthy way to go either…
Before we dive into the conversation in the episode we define a couple of the words that are used a lot but are seldom fully understood:
Body shaming (noun)– the action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size
Toxic masculinity- defined by adherence to traditional male gender roles that restrict the kinds of emotions allowable for boys and men to express, including social expectations that men seek to be dominant (the “alpha male”) and limit their emotional range primarily to expressions of anger.
This instagram conversation inspired a great discussion between the NFD co-hosts. Here are some of the points we raised. Listen to the episode for more!
- Westley- “I think that when it comes to both body shaming and preferences there is a fine line between shaming and liking something about someone.”
- Maddie- “I don’t know a guys dick size till I see it so I can’t technically shame him, just saying.”
- Maddie- “There’s a difference between politely saying I no longer want to sleep with you vs. I won’t talk to you at all cause you don’t fit certain parameters. Secondly is it body shaming if I’m just saying what I find attractive? I personally prefer dark skin men, that doesn’t mean I don’t think any light skin men or men or other nationalities are attractive, I am just more sexually aroused and my interest is piqued by dark skinned men.”
- Lina D- “I am always sensitive when expressing my preferences with a new partner. I don’t want to say something that triggers a reaction, so I am never rude. I will diplomatically express my disinterest and keep it moving.”
We somehow started talking about the dick slang- we couldn’t help ourselves. Here is the link to the video we mentioned.
And finally some good reads we want to share:
Have another point of view we didn’t represent? Send us a note using our contact us form.