So I’m just going to say it- let’s stop calling things gay! In this week’s episode we look at the list of commonly held thoughts, actions, and beliefs about men that are often considered “gay” for no real good reason. We discuss how these views only feed into the toxic masculinity we want to dismantle, especially for minority men.
So first things first, let’s make sure we are all on the same page when it comes to the definition of some of the words we are discussing today.
Gay; adj. 1. of, relating to, or exhibiting sexual desire or behavior directed toward a person or persons of one’s own sex; homosexual: most commonly used to refer to a man’s sexual orientation; 2. of, indicating, or supporting homosexual interests or issues. Source: Dictionary.com
Toxic masculinity; the concept of toxic masculinity is used in psychology and gender studies to refer to certain norms of masculine behavior in North America and Europe that are associated with harm to society and to men themselves. Source: Wikipedia
What are some examples of toxic masculinity? Here are a few for your reference:
- Stereotypes that reinforce that men are socially dominate
- Sayings that give men a pass based on their gender i.e. boys will be boys
- Reinforcing that if men like feminine things or are in touch with their feminine side, they can’t possibly be straight or are considered to be “lesser men”
Our goal with this episode is to stop the nonsense of using the word “gay” as a way to describe things that are boring, make no sense, or worst- that tend to be feminine in nature. Here is a short list of the things that are not gay and that those that think otherwise, need to open their minds and challenge their deeply held beliefs:
- Men showing affection to one another i.e. hugging or crying
- Believing there’s a “gay agenda”
- Attacking/judging men for enjoying or appreciating things that are typically considered feminine i.e. flowers, wearing certain colors, caring about their appearance, getting manis, facials, etc.
- Participating in certain sports/activities i.e. gymnastics, ballet, cheer, yoga, spin
Not convinced that this is a problem? Here are some of our thoughts that show otherwise:
- Ignoring it doesn’t dismiss that fact that these types of comments not only cause damage to men but also promote anti-LGBTQ sentiments
- Its problematic enough that Wanda Sykes had a whole PSA about it:
Other than talking about it, what else can we do?
Who else has picked up on the lack of conversation and resources when it comes to sexual dysfunction that impact women? We have all heard about ED, pre-ejaculation, viagra, and can probably hold our own conversing on the topic. But when it comes to the issues that can impact women, even finding adequate information on Google becomes a challenge. Let’s do better together: let’s discuss sexual dysfunction openly; let’s listen without judgement, let’s demand more from our doctor’s, and let’s share resources amongst ourselves.
In this week’s episode we are raising awareness of sexual disorders that impact women. We will talk through some of the sexual disorders and share some of the stories that paint the picture of how little information is out there regarding sexual disorders that women can access.
According to WebMD, sexual dysfunction is common (43% of women and 31% of men report some degree of difficulty.) With so many more women reporting that they have some sort of sexual dysfunction compared to men, it is concerning that there is so little coverage and resources available. Female sexual dysfunction can occur at any stage of life so this is an issue that can impact any woman. Based on our google searches, and our own experience, the awareness levels of sexual dysfunction impacting women is abysmal. The fact that you can find the following statement online- “sexual dysfunction can occur only in certain sexual situations or in all sexual situations”- is a joke.
Here are all the crucial details you will want to know that we cover in our episode, “Let’s Talk About It.”
What causes sexual dysfunction? (From WebMD)
- Physical causes. Many physical and/or medical conditions can cause problems with sexual function. These conditions include diabetes, heart disease, neurological diseases, hormonal imbalances, menopause plus such chronic diseases as kidney disease or liver failure, and alcoholism or drug abuse. In addition, the side effects of certain medications, including some antidepressant drugs, can affect sexual desire and function.
- Psychological causes. These include work-related stress and anxiety, concern about sexual performance, marital or relationship problems, depression, feelings of guilt, or the effects of a past sexual trauma.
What sexual disorders can impact women?
- Vaginal dryness
- Low sexual desire.
- Inability to become aroused
- Anorgasmia: lack of orgasm
- Painful intercourse
- Vaginismus is a painful, involuntary spasm of the muscles that surround the vaginal entrance. It may occur in women who fear that penetration will be painful and also may stem from a sexual phobia or from a previous traumatic or painful experience.
- Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder– a common form of sexual dysfunction when women have no or low desire to have sex, and it causes distress
- MRKH Syndrome is a rare disorder where the vagina, cervix and uterus aren’t fully developed
CANCELED! Who deserves to get canceled? Is there any coming back once you’ve been canceled? Why hasn’t “X” person been cancelled yet? Join Westley, Maddie, and Lina D this week and join the cancel culture convo.
So what is cancel culture?
If you didn’t know- cancel culture refers to the phenomenon of “canceling” a person, an event, or a body of work i.e. songs, albums, movies, TV shows as a result of the person’s questionable or unpopular comments or actions.
These are some of the important questions Westley, Maddie, and Lina D talk about in the episode:
- How do we decide who gets canceled?
- Is there room for forgiveness?
- When someone is canceled, do we erase all that an artist has done including the good? i.e. the positive image of African Americans that The Cosby Show presented?
- And we debate some of the points made in this article: We Wouldn’t Need Cancel Culture if we Had Justice Culture
- If there was some assurance that real justice was possible, would cancel culture even feel necessary?
- Could we better separate the art and the artist if we could use a set of prison bars to do it?
And finally here is the article with all the details on Culture Vulture Yesjulz: Daniel Caesar Fans Are Calling Him Canceled
The Bold & Bawdy crew is back! Curious about what Lina D, Maddie, and Westley have been up to since season one ended? Join us for the first episode to hear about dating drama, homeowner problems, travel stories, and more.
We can’t believe the end of season 1 of Bold & Bawdy is here! Check us out as we reminisce our favorite moments of the season. Want to know what we will be up to over break? Want some advice on dealing with the holidays and closing the year strong? We got that too!
The co-hosts share their favorite moments and episodes! If you are a new listener, listen to this episode to get an idea of the content we created this season.
We talk about some of the things we will be focused on over the coming months. Maddie is going to finally going to study for her licensing exam, Westley will be working on building his photography skills, and Lina D is working on her summer body for December.
The episode closes with advice for dealing with the holidays and ending the year strong. Bold and Bawdy will be back next year. Full release timing to be announced!
I love that we have stayed true to highlighting the issues and staying woke
Maddie: I enjoyed the variety of topics we covered this season; it’s why we rebranded but I loved how it felt more true to who we are
Bold and Bawdy Ep 9
Have you been following the story with Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination and the sexual assault allegations? We recap the latest since the hearings, discuss our thoughts, and highlight how when it comes to politics we are yet to see an advancement in women’s rights despite the Me Too Movement.
Westley kicks off this episode with a quick recap of the situation surrounding Kavanaugh. These are the women who have come forth with allegations of sexual misconduct and assault.
- Dr. Christine Blasey Ford: Kavanaugh had sexually assaulted her when she was about 15 at a party in suburban Maryland in the early 1980s. Described a drunken Judge Kavanaugh pinning her on a bed, trying to take her clothing off and covering her mouth to keep her from screaming.
- Deborah Ramirez: 83-84 school year at Yale University, when she and Judge Kavanaugh were freshmen, he exposed himself to her during a drinking game in a dorm suite.
Julie Swetnick: she observed Judge Kavanaugh at parties where women were verbally abused, inappropriately touched and “gang raped.”Judge Kavanaugh drinking “excessively” at parties and engaging in “abusive and physically aggressive behavior toward girls, including pressing girls against him without their consent, ‘grinding’ against girls, and attempting to remove or shift girls’ clothing to expose private body parts.”
After watching the hearing, including the SNL version (which we find to be a really accurate representation of what happened), these are our reactions.
Maddie is tired of the rhetoric and pretending reported sexual assault is always an attack on men. It should be treated simply as a woman speaking her truth.
Lina D observes how in politics the progressive impacts of the me too movement have been limited at best. She is bothered that the default reaction when a woman comes forward with sexual assault allegations is victim blame and discredit women.
Westley questions why it took two female victims to confront Senator Flake for their to be action.
Here is our view on what is wrong with society and how survivors of sexual violence are let down by the criminal justice system. You can read more here.
Did you know that most cases of sexual assault are never reported?
- Sexual assault is the most unreported crime- over 80% of survivors never report their experiences to the police.
- Reasons for this are often rooted in fear. Fear of disbelief, of unjustified blame, of retribution, of re-traumatisation, of the impact on their family and community and of being let down by the system.
- Did you know that only 8% of cases reported to police are taken to trial? The process of a trial itself is a really stressful process for the victim especially because the prosecutor looks to undermine the survivor’s credibility and reliability.
We close the episode with a call for reform on the system and changing how society treats victims. We need to listen to the victim and ensure they have proper access to legal, psychological and advocacy support. Let’s continue to challenge the myths and prejudice that surround sexual violence.
Episode Description: Do booty calls have rules? Listen to this week’s episode to find out all the do’s and don’ts. This topic inspired by @geminiteapod! Check out their post.
Listen to Westley, Lina D, and Maddie as they give you their answers to the questions below.
- What constitutes as a booty call?
- Is there a limit to how many booty calls you can have with the same person in a week?
- Will we ever be seen in public together?
- What are appropriate booty call times? Refer to meme about age appropriate times
- How do you know if someone is a good booty call candidate?
- What should I say to let my booty call know I want some? “Hey big head?” Whatchu doin’ later?”
- As a woman how do I set up dick appointments with confidence?
- As a man how do I set up a booty call without her thinking I’m an asshole?
- Can an ex be a booty call candidate?
- Should I/they stay the night?
- Are there different types of booty calls?
- What are other rules of booty calls?
Episode description: Is dating in real life dead? In this episode we look into the the rise of online dating and discuss if dating in real life from start to finish is even a thing anymore. We welcome a special guest! Sophia joins us to give her perspective and strategies for dating from the perspective of someone that has been off the market for 10 years and is just getting back into the scene. For those of you that are over online dating, we provide tips for changing up your dating approach.
We start the episode by reviewing the history of online dating and the websites and apps that have shaped the future of dating. You can read the entire article here.
The milestones at a glance:
- Match launched in 1995
- AIM launched in 1997
- eHarmony launched in 2000
- OKCupid 2000s
- Tinder’s arrival in 2012
Now that we have spent dating online for over 20 years, economists have looked into the impact online dating has made on society. These are the findings:
- more than ⅓ of marriages start online
- There is evidence that suggests that relationships that start from online dating lead to stronger and more diverse marriages
- The economists examining the trends are Josué Ortega and Philipp Hergovich. They are looking at the data on how marriages and relationships are forming. The have found that online dating tools may actually be helping more people get together in new ways.
We talk about these findings and infuse our perspective of what we find interesting.
Sophia, Westley, Maddie, and Lina D all share their personal experiences with dating online and in real life. Sophia gives her perspective on the importance of having a dating strategy so that you don’t waste your time. We also talk through the pros and cons of dating in real life. You will want to listen to the entire episode, but here are some teasers:
- My last relationship and most recent situationships started online but I feel like I’m a harsher judge with those guys on the onset and just expect bullshit. Since the connection happened online, I am more skeptical. -Maddie
- I think the benefits of meeting in real life are more intangible. There is an element of security tied to meeting someone in person. You feel an instant attraction and know the chemistry is real. This makes you more driven to get to know that person. -Lina D
- Meeting in real life is better because the catfish factor is non-existent. -Westley
And to wrap this episode Maddie provides her tips for getting off the apps and putting yourself out there to meet people in real life.